Yeah, it was that good.
It seems when you are called to do something in your life, things come along to keep you from reaching that goal. Flat tires, illness, fire, flood, job loss; you name it, it can/will/has happen(ed).
Just a smoke screen.
Keep going.
Now, I'm not talking about some casual thing here such as, 'I really would like to learn to dance/sing/play the guitar, etc. This is not one of those deals in which you think about this something from time to time.
No, this is one of those deals that consume you. Day and Night. You go about your day thinking about it. "Man, that would be a great place to shoot. I wonder where the light will be at 3pm." Yup, it gets worse. You go to bed thinking about it, you have dreams about it. ( yes, had a dream the other night about shot lists, go figure!)
However, here's the scary part of the whole equation.
When you wake up, you want to run away from it. You have no desire to talk about it, you're scared to bits about it and find that you compare yourself to everyone else and their work, including Aunt Ethel and her new point and shoot. But, as the morning progresses, your thoughts go back to the shoot you have coming up or the post work you need to do, etc. You're in and there is no denying it.
Is this what Picasso experienced? Or like so many others before me and those around me who suffer silently because of their art? Is this what they mean when they say, 'you must suffer for your art'?
Just who are they, anyway?
For me, the suffering comes from not knowing when I'm going to do my next shoot and when it comes up, will I suck? Will I get in all the shots I thought about, dreamt about, planned for...
Will this madness never end?
No. Resoundingly no.
It can't and it shouldn't. As long as this is what I'm suppossed to do, then no, it will never end.
It's up to me to manage it.
I've been passionate about my music since way back in the day and it has not abated not one bit. That's over 40 years. I'm still just as excited about it as ever and more so.
Like my photography, music keeps opening up. Just when I think it's getting stale, I run across this band who with this song, hooked me in.
It keeps going and going. ( where have I heard that before?)
Until my voice is forever silenced, I'm in... all the way in. No turning back in. Can't give up cause I've invested my life in.
I don't want to just make pretty pictures. I like pretty pictures. I've got lots and loads. I've captured moments that are otherwise lost. I captured my father on film with the very camera he gave me that sparked this thing, this love.
He is no longer around but I have those pictures. I hardly remember him anymore but, I can take out those pictures and recall that moment in the basement of our house with my little makeshift 'studio' and remember him teaching me what to do and then putting it in to practice.
He knew a lot more than I'll ever know.
We pass these things on to others so that they can pass them on.
That's how it works.
I'm in.
Watch this video and tell me you can't totally relate on some level to what he's talking about.
You're hooked and there's no turning back.
One thing he talks about is using the voice you have.
The one that helps to point you toward the right goal, direction, etc. The one that you use to help others.
The one that people 'hear' when they 'see' what you are passionate about.
Find your voice and use it.
As he says in the video, when you're pushing 80 and your voice is silenced, it's over. No more.
Don't be silent.
"If you're too busy looking in the rear window, you'll miss the sign posts along the way, letting you know that you were on the right road all along."
